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What I see when it comes to benching is the bencher has a track record of connecting with you or asking you out on a date, they will hit something good.This reinforces the gambler to not give up on the game—just as it reinforces the benched to just keep hoping the bencher will finally put them in the game.There’s a new dating tactic in town and if you’ve been out there chasing love, you’ve probably encountered this sneaky, but effective scheme.It’s called “benching.” Since it was first written about by New York Magazine writer Jason Chen, many have said benching is the new form of ghosting—when someone you are dating suddenly stops all contact—texting, calling, emails, dates—and POOF, they’re out so fast that you may think the connection was all just a mirage, an illusion, a .You text each other afterwards, expressing you had a great time and that you’d like to do it again soon. You feel attended to and that something may be different about this one.In the days that follow, “Good morning,” “How did your weekend go? A week goes by and and he/she initiates a plan to get together again.You continue to text each other daily sweet-nothings and the excitement builds.Then, the day before, there is suddenly a work event your date needs to attend and asks to reschedule for later in the week. A couple hours before your planned date, you get a text stating he/she is coming down with “something” and needs to reschedule again.

After several years of hearing clients ask, “What happened?

You start to replay everything in your mind and think, “Is he/she ever going to go out with me again?

” and “We seem to have great chemistry and match up well, what went wrong?

For those who have been benched, recognizing patterns and listening to your intuition will help you determine whether your date isn’t putting you in the game the way you are with them. She is the founder of Center for Shared Insight, a private psychotherapy practice in Denver where she and her clients focus on Individual Relationship Therapy. Hick’s expertise lies in helping individuals create healthy, meaningful, and loving relationships with others through healing, strengthening and transforming their most essential relationship, with themselves.

When not helping clients fulfill their personal relationship goals, she enjoys the Colorado outdoors, capturing life through photography, practicing yoga and hopes to one day manage her first unassisted headstand.

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