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Mothers and singles feel at the mercy of shadchanim, who are overloaded with singles, have limited hours in the day, and are not compensated for their hours and hours of time spent doing this most important job.
Most shadchanim I speak to wish there was a different way, and that their role of being a shadchan was unnecessary, since it would be so much easier for singles to be able to meet on their own.
For instance I have seen girls nix shidduchim with wonderfully shtark (religiously strong) and learned boys, because they were looking for someone in full-time learning, and the boy on paper had plans to go to work and be kovea itim.
I have also often heard girls say no because a boy seemed “too quiet” on paper.
” As the famous quote goes, “Don’t let the imaginary person in your head keep you from learning to love the person standing right in front of you.” I have seen many examples of such situations, which I feel must be told to others as a learning experience.
For instance, one boy said no to meeting a wonderful, beautiful girl, living in the same town.
Yes one must be very attracted to the person he marries, but if he’s looking to get married he must also realize and come to terms that this perfect girl will age, she will gain weight while pregnant, and if he only married her because she was ‘the perfect girl’ – he will have many issues staying married.
Rather than if he’s looking for an amazing wife, which includes being attracted (but in no way looking for perfection) those qualities are ones that never age and never fade.
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