Men confess dating frustration
"Giving him space is important, then start by asking about his day," July advises.When a man feels cared about and free to say whatever he wants, you'll be hard-pressed to shut him up.He's Too Ashamed If you've ever watched a group of dudes try to make each other laugh, you probably assume that men are incapable of feeling shame..that's not at all true.While you'd probably want to talk about a problem in the bedroom or how your boss laid into you for screwing up, your guy may do whatever he can to avoid discussing those issues because he's too mortified."A man can be afraid of not just his own emotions but his significant other's as well," says Alon Gratch, Ph D, author of If Men Could Talk."Growing up, many boys are taught that they should disengage from their feelings." So they don't know what to do when a girlfriend is emotional or when she tries to put them in touch with their own feelings.
It's just that his brain won't let him focus on anything else till it's fed.
"A woman will often take a man's silence to be a bad thing because she assumes it means that he doesn't want to communicate with her or he just doesn't care," says William July, Ph D, author of Understanding the Tin Man.
"But that's almost never the case." Your guy does care—he just can't always get the words out.
If you get the sense that your guy is afraid of being mushy, there are things you can do. "A woman helps by not giving ultimatums or criticizing him for not being a good communicator," July says.
"Most guys come around in a relationship.…They just need time." Second, help him along by not only asking the right questions but also asking them the right way.