Internet dating a personal survival guide

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I've gotten so many questions from women who date men about the current dating landscape and how to navigate it as a feminist.

These ladies are feeling disappointed by their interactions with men (in general), and their disdain has hit an all-time high in the wake of #metoo.

This portion of the Feminist Survival Guide explores what it means to be a feminist online dater right now and how to find romance when it feels impossible. The classic model of heterosexual courting is a man showing how strong, wealthy, and sexually capable he is and a woman demonstrating how pretty, docile, and in need of protection she is.

Below are some things to keep in mind when you are swiping around for potential dates. This model is useless for so many people, but folks are still hanging on to old patriarchal ideals when they online date.

You may see a downtick in your number of likes or matches, but I hope, like my clients, you see an uptick in the number of guys who are ready to be the kind of partner you want.

A big concern right now is figuring out how much you have to educate potential dates about feminism.

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Especially if we collectively show that we’re seeking partners who understand systemic sexism and gender-based violence and who can not only act as allies but actively participate in destroying the structures that keep us from equality.This will be intimidating to the kinds of men who are a terrible fit for you.You get to filter out guys whose ideals and values don’t align with yours, and they will (mostly) leave you alone.It is, of course, perfectly fine to not know exactly what you want or if you just want to date around until you find it; even that is a desire you can benefit from stating explicitly!Putting your desires out there may feel like you’re ruling people out, but putting what you want front and center actually acts as a handy filter.

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