Going dutch in dating
The interesting part is that these are generally the women I had the least chemistry with or gave the least effort.
It's become a rorsach test for who's really interested and who is just a serial dater along for the ride.
You should have seen her face when I told her we should go somewhere else I find a weekend breakfast to be a good first date. If it is working, you can dawdle over coffee and have no need to rush. I’m a single mom of two (older teens), and I would NEVER insist, ask, or expect an expensive meal on a first date.
And you get to see how they look in the daylight rather than in a darkened bar/restaurant. I prefer to meet at a Starbucks or other low cost option.
A short thing like meeting for coffee or to talk in a park (during nicer weather) is a lot less expensive and awkward for everyone. But if they don't, it's easier to get away.
It would also screen out the people who just want a free meal. But I find they typically want to get a table, order food and I don't want to sound like an asshole and say, NO! I had a date once who decided she wanted Tonto somewhere else and when we sat down the menu was absurdly overpriced.
I practice kindness, and I’ve told many people “hey - I had a great time, but I didn’t feel the chemistry there”.
It’s taken a lot of the pressure off me (and them) in regards to managing expectations - I’ve even made several new friends because we had things in common, but didn’t jive in the romance department.
You can move the coffee date to a restaurant if it’s going well, or just make the best of it, and be honest.
Only difference in a pretty significant sample size is that the few women who are there to get free drinks, etc.
open up about how resentful they are about footing half the bill.
One suggestion is that the phrase "going Dutch" originates from the concept of a Dutch door, with an upper and lower half that can be opened independently.
The Oxford English Dictionary connects "go Dutch" and "Dutch treat" to other phrases which have "an opprobrious or derisive application, largely due to the rivalry and enmity between the English and Dutch in the 17th century", the period of the Anglo-Dutch Wars. The gambling term "dutching" may be related to "go Dutch", as it describes a system that shares stakes across a number of bets.