I always present and identify as a man; it’s just that, sometimes I’m a man who acts more feminine.
Still, I don’t often self-describe as “femme,” because it hasn’t worked out well in the past.
Here’s the trouble: While femininity can be dangerous for gay men, it is somewhat expected of them—a form of behavior or mode of self-presentation they are “allowed.” For bi guys like me, even a little femininity threatens to erase our entire identity. Both the straight and LGBTQ community regularly speculate on the veracity of my sexuality.
I am told I don’t exist or that I’m going through a phase.
”) and from LGBT people who refuse to recognize/believe/acknowledge them as their people. Let’s be real, feminine women, whatever sort of style they have, will wear things you find sexy, because why else would you have been attracted to her?
I also had on my one-of-a-kind black sequin jacket—the one that, when the designer said, “It’s vintage,” I said, “Say no more.” My face was painted club-kid chic, and, despite my broad shoulders, I moved around with a certain sassy elegance: All-in-all, I was definitely serving some femme realness.There are few, if any, arenas in which bisexual men, queer in our own right, have the space to express femininity without fear of our sexuality being nullified.There is a deeply ingrained misconception that a man can’t be romantically involved with another man and still be interested in women as well.But the invalidation of our sexualities only grows when bisexual individuals don’t express their gender identities in conventional ways.There are spaces for gay men, lesbian women, bisexual women, and trans women to express femininity.